Saturday, June 19, 2010
The following is an excerpt from a recent Instant Message conversation between the writers of Two Brothers Rant. We are discussing some of the flaws in The Dark Knight:
DC- Oh, uh...I have this random sonar thing that is totally unethical and listens to everyone's conversations...and somehow I can recognize the Joker and he's in a building with an elaborate scheme. Also, he knows about my sonar and is expecting me to find him. But it's all ok because I'm Batman and uh...I don't know… I'm doing this for love or honor, or something.
AC- Oh, hello commissioner. I hope I'm not bothering anybody, but I was just in here at the crime lab looking over some documents and evidence to put together an air tight case. "What's that you say Batman?" Commissioner says, as he turns around, only to find Batman has disappeared like a thief into the night (or daylight in Batman's case)
DC- The prisoner in your police investigation won't cooperate? Give me some time with him. I'll rough him up while you guys watch...but he'll get the better of me and say things like "This is a problem your muscles can't fix." and I'll get embarrassed and act like a roided up head case. I'm Batman.
AC- And if all else fails, I'll read a poem to the prisoners regarding the line between right and wrong and who the true hero of Gotham City is. Followed by blowing something up and randomly falling off my motorcycle and getting injured. I’m Batman.
DC- Just so you know, I can fall ten stories and immediately scamper off into the night, but low speed motorcycle crashes nearly cripple me (but only sometimes, usually I can take it).
By the way, recent happenings in TV and movies make me think executives had the following conversation at one point: "You guys know what was really good? The 80's. Let's just redo the 80's, but with fancy special effects and better trained martial artists."
DC- How the heck did Batman get those fingerprints off the bullet hole in the wall? And once he had the fingerprint, what did that lead to? I’m confused.
AC-If I remember right he reconstructed it. How do you reconstruct a bullet and fingerprints? And furthermore, was there any question who did it? Isn't that the point of Batman? He already knows who the bad guys are. One clue might have been that painted face lunatic running around blowing stuff up and shooting people. I knew it was him, even w/out the fingerprints to strengthen my case
DC- Is Joker going to be sitting in court and the prosecution will lose because they don't have an airtight forensics case? It's like "well, he announced his reign of terror, a bunch of people saw him carry out his reign of terror, he was caught in the middle of his reign of terror...but I'm afraid we are going to have to drop charges cause we can't get a solid fingerpr---, Oh, thanks Batman, this reconstruction of yours came in the nick of time."
AC- Yeah, but what kind of weight would that reconstruction hold in court. “Where did you get that fingerprint Batman?” “Well, I shot about 12 bullets into a wall, then I took the bullet out of the wall, ran in under a computer thingy and synthesized fingerprints. I can make that bullet belong to anyone! Hey, I could make a case against Abraham Freaking Lincoln for that murder w/ my print synthesizer!”
DC- He could solve all sorts of crimes with that technology. He probably knows who shot JFK.
AC- Just think about real life scenarios: There's a traffic accident at lunch time at Batman is just walking around with a notebook looking for clues. Sort of just in the background looking for things. It doesn't really make him superhero-ish
DC- Jotting down notes on his little brown clipboard...making clever observations. Hitting middle age, kind of getting a little older, a bit lazier, sort of chubby.
AC- Sitting there in briefing meetings at the start of shifts and the Lt. says, "Well, what do you have for us Batman." Then Batman stands up with a little extra flab in his suit to review the clues and everyone chuckles. Batman says, "Don't you know who I am? I once took down the Scarecrow and the Joker!" But no one would really believe him b/c they would think those are made up villains
DC- He loses his self confidence and start showing up with sweaty armpits and a 5 o'clock shadow. "I rode my Bat Bike here today." "Sure you did Batman" snicker the younger guys.
AC- So they start using him undercover. Think about it, it would be nothing for some drug dealer to see a guy in a bat suit ask you to sell him some drugs. So you do it, and suddenly the sirens are blaring and the new hot shot detective says, "Well done, Batman." Then the movie ends with the echo of a voice saying "well done ,Batman" as he wipes away a tear, buffs off his Batman Logo, then in his own voice, not the actual music, he goes Dun-Dun-Du-Dun Dun (Batman music) then he runs off into the night By the way, there was a girl w/ Turrets at Chili's yesterday.
DC- Was she yelling swears?
AC- Yeah sometimes, she yelled Cheater a lot
DC- CHEATER! Do turrets people type their swears too?
AC- I don't know. But it would be funny to have deaf turrets, cause they'd yell words that don't sound quite right in that deafy accent. CHEATUH!!
AC- Are you really laughing out loud?
DC- Yeah. For the first time I typed that because it was the best way to respond to what I did when I read "CHEATUH!" and thought of a deaf kid yelling it.
AC- I'm going to start saying LOL instead of laughing. Like if someone tells me a joke or if something funny happens, I'll just dead pan "lol"
DC- Mine was the world's second sincere LOL (the first time someone typed it they had to be sincere, right?)
AC- Yeah that's probably true. I don't think the first person that used IMHO meant it though. I don't think they actually considered their opinion to be humble
DC- I thought it was “In my honest opinion?” Which is redundant as well, I guess. So which is it? Is there a dictionary?
AC- I don't know. That could be something though, a text/chat dictionary. It could be pretty funny. I wonder how long until words like cuz and tonite are accepted as real grammar
DC- lol. ur so fne
AC- OMG B Nyc!