Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Maybe We Should Ask God First...

Sure, I was wrong about BYU staying in the MWC and my source looks about as reliable as a T-Mobile phone, but I’m glad BYU made the right decision. Too many people are bagging on BYU’s decision to go independent in football and join the WCC in every other sport. It is the right decision for the One True Team.

Look, if you are a BYU fan, you already suffer from a crippling inferiority complex, coupled with intense short man’s syndrome with a side of douchebaggery. You probably read that last sentenced and shouted “NUH!” before checking your carefully coifed hairdo. You’re BYU! The last thing you need is to continue being publicly humiliated in regional and conference play.

It must get difficult year after year to claim pre season rights to the role of BCS buster only to fall short to a decidedly better Utah, Boise State, TCU, Houston, Hawaii, Fresno State, Nevada, etc. I can only imagine the nights filled with sorrow after having to go back to your message boards and re-read all of your prophesies of the on-and-off the field superiority of your football team.

This move gives BYU fans the perfect out. From now on, they are independent, so they don’t feel obligated to defend themselves during discussions of “conference pride,” or “loyalty” or “honesty and integrity.”

BYU no longer must worry about being constantly shown up by in-state rivals. They can now continue unfettered their quest to be who they want to be: A peculiar people. Not peculiar as in “unique and treasured” but peculiar as in “unsettling weirdoes who think they are better than everyone because God loves them more and therefore they shouldn’t be constrained to mere conference play.”

Now, finally, BYU can showcase itself to the world and spread the message of poor sportsmanship and self-righteousness to the four quarters of the country. Maybe some huge conference like the Big 12 will see how superior BYU is to other mid-majors and select them to join their ol’ boys club.

BYU is now the Dungeons and Dragons nerd asking out the hot girl. He saw it work in the movies and he is sure he has more to offer than all the dumb jocks she usually dates. They are soul-mates. They belong together. He just knows she’ll say yes.

Sorry, nerds. This is the real world. You are not getting invited to the Big 12 in two years. You are one illegitimate pregnancy away from fading into obscurity.

Quiet Dignity.


  1. How dare you! I hope you feel good passing the Sacrament on Sunday.

  2. can you ever get over the fact that Utah state got punked not once- but twice!!! at least you still have fat matt and a jealous student body that makes up stupid chants and name calling like it is still in grade school. maybe that is why you will never really graduate from cow university!!

  3. Do I sense a bit of insecurity in your "rant"? I don't need to sense it, it's screaming from the page. It's Keith Olberman calling Sean Hannity "mean spirited". It's Al Sharpton calling Glen Beck a racist. It's President Obama calling Grorge Bush a terrorist. Give it a rest! We all know you hate BYU. If you want to rag on BYU and the Mormons go join your Brethern on the Trib blog - at least there you'll find like minded bloggers to share a tissue with.

  4. Ouch! I'm shocked by the condescending comments from BYU fans.

    By the way, BYU Sports Fan=Good Mormon like Peeing in a Cup=STD

  5. So if BYU is the dungeons and dragons nerd does that make ESPN the hot girl? I guess she is stuck in an 8 year relationship whether she ends up liking it or not. She must be hot but one crazy bitch right?

    Where does that put the Aggies...with a bottle of lotion and their girlfriend Palmala Handerson? Who is really in danger of "fading into obscurity"...oh wait you are already there. No wonder BYU consumes your thoughts on the daily.

  6. Wow. Have all you BYU huggers been reading this blog all along, or was it simply 'revealed' to you after your morning prayer and play-book study of Bronco? Don't worry, you can still be self righteous. This blog just goes to show that Koogies can dish it out, they just can't take it, at least like men.

  7. Noted - We "Koogies" (although I'm just a casual BYU fan) will go back to allowing the enlightened fans on the blog to have their say while we sit back and accept the deserved abuse. Thanks for helping us see the error of our ways. Sorry for intruding on the blog, I promise not to read or respond again.

  8. Attay Boy DC! Before I lived in Utah. I had no personal preference, but after living there for years. M y new favorite team is.. who ever plays BYU that day.

  9. I'm glad to see all the BYU fans typed in anonymously... I've always felt bad for BYU as they are never satisfied with allowing their performance on the field speak for them. Does anyone remember Steve Young proclaiming that if BYU was kept out of the BCS that BYU should have their day in court? Unfortunately BYU's persecution complex strangely tied to what happened to our peeps in Missouri was cut short has Hawaii, while still the Rainbows, hung 70 on them.

    For those who rag on USU, ask anyone, we know know we suck at football and will not be winning the BCS trophy anytime soon. While this frustrates me I at least take solace that I am neither wearing socks with sandals, think popcorn popping belongs at football games, nor am deluded enough into believing that BYU is a desired commodity to anyone other than the 10 million people who are let down when the less than faithful commit to heathen institutions (Duke).

    By the way... When I met the author of this blog he had a college football 2003 BYU dynasty team starring himself as QB and a certain Aggie great at WR... I'm glad he finally saw the light!

    Chris B.

  10. I just happened across your little blog here... and it's nice. The title caught my eye on this post. No, it wasn't the picture of a nice looking man in a football uniform, which might I add you should put more of on your blog, just not in the Y uniform. Back to your title; thank you for that little humor. After reading the post I want to thank you, it's refreshing to find someone who also thinks BYU isn't "God's Team". I have to hear it all the time from family. It's so bad that my father-in-law actually believes that Bronco Mendenhall doesn't make a decision until the First Presidency gives him the 'ok'. Seriously. And, no, I don't root for the Utes either. Actually if it's in Utah I turn my back. Sorry. Good schools and good teams, but hate the attitudes.


  11. Thanks Christina, welcome to TBR! Tell your friends. In fairness to Bronco, I hear BYU coaches are prepared for the job much the same as Moses was prepared to see the face of God...so be nice.