Friday, May 7, 2010

Artist, Hobos and What Do You Tip a Magician?

Let me begin by declaring art officially dead.

I’ll get back to that comment in a minute, but before I lose your interest too quickly, let’s talk about magicians.

Two nights ago, the restaurant I went to featured a magician wandering from table to table doing magic tricks and making balloon animals. So I guess he was a magician/clown…or whatever you call someone who makes balloon animals for a living.

I should add that the only magic trick he could do was the one where you make a business card disappear and reappear. And since you, I and every person over 11-years old knows that trick, my table was a bit nonplussed by the whole thing.

Since the guy was about 42 and the whole thing was very sad, I decided I need to do my part with whatever influence or platform I have to stop this madness. The new rule is that unless your name is Harry Houdini, David Copperfield, Penn, Teller or Lebron James, you should just give up the dream of doing magic.

You’re just making the rest of us feel really awkward. Also, telling your friends you are going to pursue magic full time is like the first step in a three-step process:

1. “Hey guys, I feel like if I don’t do it now, I never will. So I want you guys to know I will be doing amateur level magic tricks for my full time job.”

2. “You know, that Justin Beiber is pretty talented.”

3. “Yeah, that is me on the sex offender website.”

So that was dinner.

Afterwards, we went to the “Modern Art Festival” in downtown Boise. Basically, every self-proclaimed artist (homeless person) in Boise was given a hotel room to display their “art.”

Except there was no art.

One room was filled with suitcases and was titled “traveling salesman.”

Another called “Celtic Fertility” was just a messy room with the artist telling us she had slept in the bed for the past two nights and she was very fertile.

Additionally, there was a three-room display featuring a makeshift carnival, like the ones that set up in mall parking lots. Complete with carnies and everything.

The least popular room featured an old man smiling as people poked their heads in, saw that all he had was a couple of his sculptures and some paintings and quickly left for more grandiose “art.”

Laziness has ruined art. The idea of creating something that lasts from generation to generation as a work that truly speaks to and inspires the masses has died. Art has given way to this idea that people who simply don’t want to shouldn’t be expected to contribute in any way to society. That those of us who love getting up early, working 50 hour weeks for “the man” and paying our bills on time ought to support artists in their insanity.

Eh. I’m boring myself. Even writing about this has me anxious and disgusted.

Let’s just say hipsters were out in full force saying words like “poignant” and “conceptualize”. It was as if all my wildest dreams had come true, only the exact opposite.

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