Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Sweaty Pits: The Quiet Killer

Dear Science,

Please invent a cure for sweaty pits. I know you are currently focused on Global Warming and Cancer, but I beg you to turn your attention to an equally noble cause. Sweaty pits is a disease with no regard to its victims race, sex or age. The first human contracted sweaty pits from an infected African monkey and it has since spread at an epidemic rate never seen before.

Sweaty pits causes severe discomfort, embarrassment, lack of self-esteem and in some cases even death.

I confess I am so far a little disappointed in you, Science. You can put a man on the moon, but not a dry man. You have a pill that regulates a woman’s cycle, but you can do nothing about constant underarm wetness.

However, I am willing to put the past behind us if you will reallocate your time and energy to help solve this global crisis. I know your resources are limited, but let’s face it: We’re too late on Global Warming and cancer just isn’t going anywhere.


Dear Investors,

I am looking for any interested in the research and development of some sort of armpit maxi pad. I don’t have to tell you, this will be the biggest clothing breakthrough since the discovery of underwear. Revenues promise to be upwards of 60 billion per year. This product will become an immediate necessity for men ages 12-dead as soon as it hits the shelves.

If you are interested in this exciting investment opportunity, please contact me as soon as possible with the amount of money you want to invest. Please, no more than 10million per person.


Dear God,

Is this some kind of joke?


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