Monday, March 1, 2010

BYU Cougars: Perfecting Incredulity

If I could sum up BYU Incredulity, it would be this video, particularly the look on Jonathan Tavernari's face at around 0:15 (you can pause it for further review).

BYU teams have perfected the art of seeming incredulous since before that breakthrough day when neatly-groomed mustaches were finally allowed on campus

If you haven't ever had an altercation with anyone associated with BYU, here are the 4 things you should expect - I think they're Articles of Faith 14-17:

1. We believe in getting Angry - BYU fans may claim to be representing the Lord's University, but when these seemingly mild-mannered fans fly off the handle, they get downright nasty. And it's usually over something you wouldn't have predicted getting that kind of rise. Make a careless joke about their basketball coach's cancer, or a harmless comment about Austin Collie being attracted to Peyton Manning's forehead, and a non-caffeinated soda might smash into your face.

2. We believe in reacting oddly - No punches will ever be thrown,but really harsh words will be spoken. A mention of the 1984 NCAA National Championship will be brought up, accusations of one's lack of Christianity will be made, and a strong word like "hell," "ass," or "damn" may be used. Never any of the major cusses though. BYU fans tend to get redder and shake more than typical angry human beings and sound like they are going to cry for most of the argument.

3. We believe in laughing maniacally - Whenever the other person involved in the altercation matches the BYU affiliate's level of intensity, said BYU affiliate will laugh. Not a controlled laugh that makes their opponent feel embarrassed, but more of a crazy, overly loud laughter that makes everyone involved feel uncomfortable (please see Tavernari's reation during the first few seconds of the altercation in the video).

4. We believe in being incredulous - This is what BYU coaches look for when recruiting players and what BYU fans try their entire life to perfect. They are the chosen ones of God. They belong to the true university. How could anyone possibly be mad at any of their actions? If you can effectively sum up these previous statements in one single facial expression, you will be strutting your stuff on the Provo campus in no time - at least until 8 p.m., because strutting after 8 p.m. is against the Honor Code.

Just think, Cougars, whenever the NCAA decides to make balancing chips on your shoulder a sanctioned sport, you'll finally have another national championship to celebrate.


  1. A little bit funny in some parts I guess, but mostly a waste of space... Thx for trying. Also, thx for obsessing over BYU.., and I thought JT did fine at standing his ground. What were you expecting a UFC showdown. I am glad he is that competitive...

  2. After reading the above comment, it looks like you can add #5:

    5) Having the courage to stand up for their school against critics.....anonymously.

    Thank you for this article Doug. I am still LOLing all over myself.

  3. The only thing better would be if this video included Doug Chambers palying the part of Alford or Tavernari. Blood WOULD have been spilt...

  4. Anonymous is a pussy.

  5. ...and Doug Chambers taken away in cuffs at the Anaheim Convention Center.