Thursday, February 25, 2010

Tim Tebow: Master of Illusion

At this point in his career, Tim Tebow is like the abusive boyfriend who is trying to convince his ex-girlfriend to take him back. You know, that boyfriend who claims he’s changed things and everything is going to work out?

With the NFL Combine coming up, Tebow claims that he has spent the past two months completely changing his throwing motion. That his slower-than-Betty-White-in-a-Snickers-commercial delivery has been entirely reconfigured and he now has a lightning quick, flick-of-the-wrist delivery that will be more conducive to the NFL.

I hate to admit that I don’t believe the scripture-quoting, Heisman-winning, Christian missionary demigod, but…I don’t. Let me get this straight, Tim. You, the guy who has been playing football since the moment your mother decided not to abort you, are just now tweaking one of the most critical elements of quarterbacking? You have practiced long enough and hard enough for an entire lifetime to win a Heisman AND two national championships, but you want us to believe you’ve apparently just been neglecting basic mechanics.

Well, I’m glad that you are finally taking this opportunity to fix your throwing motion. Apparently, in these two months of post-season training, you are able to correct something that has been your weakness for the past 22 years.

Seriously, does anyone buy this? Are NFL GMs thinking, "You know, when we scouted him his delivery took so long that my dyslexic child was able to sound out War and Peace in its entirety before Tebow finished his wind-up, but now he says he's been working on it, so I guess we'll take him as our franchise quarterback."

Tim, if your agent refuses to give you advice to help your career, please take this counsel from a 27-year-old Idahoan who has the quarterbacking ability of a Norwegian figure skater: accept your niche.

Tebow could be an effective third-down back in the NFL, or a great facilitator of a Wildcat formation every few downs.

At this point, though, Tebow can’t change who he is as an ineffecient pocket passer any more than Slippery Pete can change his propensity for domestic abuse. And just like Slippery Pete would be better off finding a new girlfriend at the state fair's monster truck rally, Tebow would be better off ditching his old position of quarterback and parlaying his strengths elsewhere on the field.

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