Sunday, February 28, 2010

Hipsters vs Olympics

While traveling for business last week, I overheard a young American girl make the following statement, “I decided I’m not cheering for the USA during the Olympics. I just feel like I wanna see other countries have a chance to win gold. It’s like the USA has had our turn, and now we are bullies.”


First of all, I don’t have to tell you she had hand tattoos. I won’t describe her knitted hat, cat-eye glasses or her blue and black plaid button up worn open over a black uni-tard. I shouldn’t have to describe her backpack. So I won’t.

Second, hers should be a shocking statement, yet I’d bet any of you reading this have heard similar comments. I’ll bet you’ve heard it more than once. At TBR, we want to help. We decided to issue this public service announcement. Please post it anywhere hipsters loiter.

Attention Hipsters:

Please yank your solo iPod bud from your ear, turn down the volume of the underground band we have never heard of, pull your crocheted whatever-those-things are off your head and untie your intentionally ironic camouflage bandana. This will only take a minute.

George W Bush did not invent the Olympics. Glenn Beck will not be competing in any of the events. The US Olympians did not create Global Warming, Private Health Care or Corporate America. Cheering for the US does not make anyone a fascist. Get over yourselves.

If patriotism is not something you are interested in, that is fine. You are free to continue talking about interesting thoughts, refusing to smile and acting nonchalant. Feel welcome to sulk around in your little outfits, dissing the man and wishing you were French. But leave the Olympics out of it.

In fact, you know what? Just leave sports alone, entirely. Quit trying to politic-up the sports world or we will be forced to continue our retaliation. We will keep sporting-up the politics world, sending our finest jocks to hold public office, no matter how unqualified they may be. You think Steve Largent and Jesse Ventura were too much? Wait until we send in the starters. Things will get real uncomfortable real quick for hipsters.

Thank you for your time. You may now go back to being put out by everything and loving the city at night time.

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