Wednesday, February 24, 2010
As the Winter Olympics wind down we feel it is time to ask the question on everyone’s mind: What exactly is the luge?
From what we can gather, the sport that killed Olympic hopeful Nodar Kumaritashvili boils down to some guy on a tiny sled ripping down the ice at a hundred miles an hour.
But that can’t qualify as an Olympic event, right? So what exactly is it?
Even more baffling, how does one recognize young luge talent? Do parents simply look at each other one evening and say, “You know what young Billy is really good at? Hanging on for dear life. Maybe we should sign him up for luge lessons.”
At that point, parents might as well go down to their local police station and pre-mark the box “Luge Related Accident” on their son’s cause of death form. Finding out a guy died luging is like hearing about a celebrity overdose: sad, but not surprising.
And the Skeleton? Wow. There is no way to convince us the Skeleton started out as anything more than a hillbilly dare. Clearly, drunken rednecks snuck into the Olympic complex in 1988 and started talking trash about how easy the luge would be. As they all grabbed sleds and started down the hill, one of them wanted to show off for his friends and went head first. And the Skeleton was born.
In other news, the 2014 Olympics will feature a new sport: Crippler.
Crippler participants will cling to an over-inflated tractor tube hitched to a 1987 Chevy Silverado driven by unruly teens.
Mexico will be sending Winter Olympic athletes for the first time in history to compete in Crippler.